So only 3 hours after getting here we are doing it. You know what we mean. Lee has just hastily left for the water closet, Jag and I continue. Lee has returned. You must forgive the grammar and content here. We are off our heads. We have decided to put together something of an diary entry from the confines of a “Coffee Shop” in Amsterdam. It’s exactly the same as everyone says. You enter the coffee shop and there is a menu, you select your “dish” and begin to roll. A very surreal feeling knowing that it is okay to do it here. You look around and everyone is doing the same; rolling, lighting up and sipping on tea.

Its exactly what you expect, the feeling of, sorry where was I I just finished laughing cause I thought I knocked the lap top off the table when it only moved a centemeter, the seedy feeling you get when you want to pick your nose at the traffic lights but want to know if anyone else is watching……that’s the feeling you get as you approach the door……thats where the seedy feeling ends, you are greeted by a small room nice lighting, laid back music and a room full of normal (happy) people, instead of some rough hairy guy there is a polite, attractive blonde girl, a tasteful menu to select from, and …… sorry thought the lap top fell again…..and the staff are more than willing to help……..not seedy at all, so before long you can feel as safe as when your picking you nose in private…..

Where to begin, where to begin. Did some one mention to you that we are waisted. Cos we are wasted. Where was I? It’s hard to keep your concentration when you develp an instant case of A.D.D. Every slight distraction gets my attention. I must make a confession that I just forgot what I was talking about. I don’t know what I’m trying to say okay. I’m wasted. I could look back over the last few sentences and read what I was typing before I saw something shiny and lost my concentration but that would take effort. Precious effort that could better be exhausted improvising the rest of this journal entry and then getting back to important things like drinking the rest of my hot chocolate. *Takes a sip of hot chocolate* So in short I have forgotten what I was saying once again. Back to Mick.

Hello again… I just had trouble getting down the stairs here. What cruel bastards install a set of spiral staircases in a “Coffee Shop”. Pretty damn thoughtless, but I guess it could be worse. In fact I guess they have installed an obstacle course. That’d be fun. I’m having a coffee which seems to pour through my head, rather than down into my belly. My hands are shaking and Jag is asking where we should go next. I can’t contemplate leaving this seat and going anywhere right now. Oh yeah it’s fun, but we paying for this, but not too much. When I start making sense, then and only then will I continue to write. I don’t want to put my travel journalist writer’s award nomination at risk. So without a third thought, I shall hand back to the Leeroy, so enjoy.

The clientele here is diverse, 2 old guys just walked In, they look like they have just come from filming a blues music video clip, there is a couple in the corner, sipping tea, earlier there was a group of kids (18-20 yo guys) here they were wearing matching t-shits and had some chaperones, there are five trendy looking people in the other corner, they might be students or locals they seem to know their way around here. Just a footnote this little bit has taken me about 15 min to write, and I typed ‘yo’ instead of ‘year olds’ cause I thought it would save time but here I am typing more than is needed just to explain my shortcut, before I go on too long and either you or I fall asleep I had better hand it to jag……

To avoid any potential law suit from Channel 10 I shall now point out that I am not actually Lou Carpenter from neighbors, I am only pretending to be because I thought it might be funny. I am in no way implying that Lou Carpenter smokes or indorses marijuana. Please do not misinterpret my crazy words. I appologise to Channel 10 and Lou Carpenter (Even though you’re only a character) personally for any harm which I have caused. Please don’t sue me. I don’t have any money anyway. I’m living in the back of a van. Please don’t take my Van. It’s all I have. I feel that I’m getting a bit sidetracked. When we rocked up in Amsterdam I was expecting everyone to be quite secretive about their smoking. Everything we had read on the internet said that it is illegal for “Coffee shops” to advertise the fact that they do in fact sell things other than coffee. As we walked down a backstreet on the hunt for a little coffee shop, we saw a little sign saying just simply… “Coffee shop” (I think I’m saying coffee shop too much so I’m gonna try and cut back.). I was fully expecting a normal little shop (Note I dropped the Coffee for a subtle change. Clever huh. I’m a poet and I didn’t know it.) with a hidden back section and no clearly visible smoking paraphernalia. But no. The shop front window was absolutely full of bongs. I am being given the hurray along by the boys because I’m holding us up from going and getting chips and mayonnaise. So I guess I’ve gotta wrap it up guys. Hope you’ve had fun. Reading this that is. Hope it brightened up you day a little. Give you a little smile on you cheeks. You go tiger. Give em hell kid.

Yours truly, (I was going to type sincerely but the computer suggested truly. Why fight it. I’m not insane by the way. I don’t think the computer is actually talking to me. It’s like some kind of auto predictor do-kickey. )
Lou Carpenter.

(Please don’t sue me)